If you're here because someone you love has died, I'm so sorry. Grief can turn the world upside down. Ordinary things, like eating, sleeping, or answering a phone call, can suddenly feel impossible. This page won't fix your pain, because nothing can. But it may help you understand what you're feeling and find a little support for the days ahead.
There is no right way to grieve
You may have heard that grief happens in neat stages. For most people, it doesn't. Grief comes in waves. Some days feel almost normal, and then a song, a smell, or an empty chair brings it all back. Some people cry often; others feel numb. Some want to talk; others need quiet. All of this is normal. There's no timeline you're supposed to follow, and no way you're supposed to feel.
What grief can feel like
- In your heart: deep sadness, longing, anger, guilt, relief, regret, or numbness, sometimes all in one day.
- In your body: exhaustion, trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, aches, a tight chest, or feeling unwell.
- In your mind: forgetfulness, trouble concentrating, replaying the last days, or briefly forgetting they're gone.
These reactions are part of grief, not signs that something is wrong with you.
Gentle ways to get through each day
1. Lower your expectations of yourself
Grief takes enormous energy. It's okay to do less, rest more, and let some things wait. Getting through the day is enough. See Permission to Rest.
2. Take care of your body in small ways
Try to eat something, drink water, step outside for a few minutes, and rest when you can, even if sleep is hard. These small things help your body carry the weight of grief.
3. Let people help
When people ask "What can I do?", give them a real answer: bring a meal, pick up groceries, sit with you, make phone calls, help with the kids or pets. Accepting help is not a burden on them; most people are grateful to be able to do something. See Ask for Help.
4. Talk about the person you lost
Saying their name, telling stories, and looking at photos can be comforting, even when it brings tears. Find people who will listen and remember with you.
5. Let your feelings out
Cry, write, walk, pray, draw, or sit quietly. Some people find comfort in writing a letter to the person who died, saying the things they wish they'd said. See The Unsent Letter and Creative Ways to Express Your Feelings.
6. Delay big decisions if you can
Many people advise waiting a while before major choices like selling a home or moving, when possible. Grief can cloud judgment, and some decisions are easier once the first shock has passed.
7. Plan for hard days
Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays can be especially painful. It can help to plan ahead: spend the day with someone, visit a meaningful place, or create a small ritual like lighting a candle or cooking their favorite meal. For the season ahead, see How to Get Through the Holidays After a Loss.
8. Find ways to keep their memory close
Love doesn't end when someone dies. Many people find comfort in honoring their loved one: planting something, donating to a cause they cared about, keeping a memory box, or recording family stories. See Plant Something and Save a Family Story.
Practical help after a death
On top of grief, there are often bills, paperwork, and arrangements to handle. If funeral costs are a worry, see How to Get Help Paying for a Funeral, which covers Social Security, VA, and other benefits and your rights when choosing a funeral home. Don't hesitate to ask a trusted friend or family member to help with calls and forms.
Free grief support
- Grief support groups: talking with others who understand can ease the loneliness of grief. Many hospices offer free groups that are often open to anyone in the community, not just hospice families. Hospitals, faith communities, and community centers often host them too.
- For children and teens: The Dougy Center offers free resources to help grieving children and the adults who care for them.
- Counseling: a grief counselor can help, especially after a sudden or traumatic loss. Our Mental Health Help guide lists free and low-cost options.
- Someone to talk to now: Chance is here any time if you'd like to talk or find resources.
When to reach out for more help
Grief is not an illness, but sometimes it becomes so heavy that you need extra support. Please talk to a doctor or counselor if, after many months, you still can't function day to day, you feel hopeless most of the time, or you're relying on alcohol or drugs to cope.
If you're having thoughts of not wanting to live, or of joining the person you lost, please reach out now. In the US, call or text 988 any time, day or night, to talk with someone who cares.
Books that may help
Some people find comfort in reading about grief, a few pages at a time. These are widely recommended:
- It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine: an honest, compassionate book for people who are tired of being told to "move on."
- Bearing the Unbearable by Joanne Cacciatore: gentle short chapters for deep, life-changing loss.
- Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman: one short, comforting reading for each day of the year.
- Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant: a widow's story and practical ideas for building resilience after loss.
- The Invisible String by Patrice Karst: a picture book that helps young children feel connected to someone they miss.
Many libraries carry these too, including as free e-books and audiobooks. If writing helps you more than reading, guided grief journals offer gentle prompts for the days after a loss.
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If you're supporting someone who is grieving
See How to Help a Grieving Friend: 30 Gentle Ways to Show You Care for what to say, what to avoid, and practical ways to help.
Grief is the price of love, and it means your love was real. There's no rush to "move on." In time, most people find that the pain softens, and the love remains.